Not Every 'What If ' Deserves Your Energy

Happy Monday, Mama!

I missed y'all last week, but Y’all, I was sick, I mean down bad. The idea of looking at a computer was not appealing; I barely made it through my schoolwork. By Saturday, I finally managed to pull it together, just in time to make it to Ollie’s football game. But if I’m being honest, instead of resting and taking care of myself during the week, I spent the majority of the week stressing over schoolwork, cleaning the house, and keeping up with the kids, not because I had to, but because I genuinely don't know how to relax. On Sunday, like any good wife, I complained to my husband that I didn't get to rest even though he told me to sit TF down and rest repeatedly; sometimes, I just have selective hearing. If anything, last week was a wake-up call, a reminder that made me realize how easily I slip into survival mode, even when my body’s begging me to slow down.

I feel this is a safe place, so I am going to let you in on a secret...I’m a control freak. Whew, there, I said it. And while sometimes that helps me stay organized and on top of things, other times it’s a major struggle. I want things a certain way, and honestly, I’m just grateful my family hasn’t packed their bags and left. I know there are times I need to STHU and sit down, but do I? Mm… not a chance. Call it a character flaw (lol). When I stopped working, I promised myself I’d focus on school and my mental health. But y’all… I’ve focused on everything but my mental health. Instead of slowing down and checking in with myself, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of “what if” thoughts.

We’ve all been there. One unexpected change, one hard conversation, one bad day, and suddenly our brains start spiraling: What if I fail? What if I make the wrong decision? What if things don’t go as planned?

Lately, my mental health feels like it’s built on a foundation of “what ifs.” And let me tell you, it’s been a shit show since I stopped working. Maybe I’m being too transparent, but if I sat here and told you everything has been sunshine and glitter, I’d be lying. Working on yourself, your dreams and your goals is not always about cute quotes and motivational pep talks. Sometimes, it’s anxiety, fear, stress, and a mix of emotions that hit all at once. And the hardest part? My own thoughts have become the loudest obstacles.

Last week, my overthinking convinced me that if I just kept spinning something over and over in my head, I’d come up with the perfect answer. But most of the time, all it does is feed my anxiety and paralyze me from actually moving forward. This past week felt like a record-high level of mental chaos. But through it all, I tried to remember that not everything needs to be figured out right now, and not every decision is permanent, but some days and even some weeks are harder than others. If you take anything away from this week's article, I hope it’s this: Not every 'what if' deserves your energy.

The truth is:

You can’t out-plan anxiety.

You can’t build a peaceful life if you’re constantly afraid of what might go wrong.

You don’t have to have every outcome predicted.

You don’t have to wait until every fear is quiet.

You can live now, you can try things, make mistakes, show up imperfectly, and still be wildly, wonderfully enough.

When I catch myself spiraling, I try to ground myself by asking, “Is this thought helping me or hurting me?” I remind myself that I’ve survived hard things before, and I’ll do it again. Taking care of your mental health is an act of love, not just for you but for your family too. Somewhere along the way, I started feeling guilty for resting. But I am here to remind you that: You don’t have to wait until everything is done to take a break. And you definitely don’t have to earn your rest. As moms, we often take care of everyone else first. But when our mental health suffers, it can impact every aspect of our lives, our patience, energy, relationships, and ability to be present. Even when we’re holding it all together, we still need space to breathe, reset, and feel cared for. So, as I move through the next few weeks, I’m challenging myself and you to say NO to the things that are draining, to rest without guilt, and to make our mental health a priority.

As always, Mama, I’m rooting for you. Join me next week as we talk about how to bounce back from tough moments.

With Love,

Devon