Updated: Mar 7, 2021
So let's address the ELEPHANT in the room. How do you maintain friendships after having children? Let me tell you, it is not the easiest thing to do, but it is doable! For starters, I am horrible at staying in contact on a daily basis which is odd because I'm a Cancer, and we are the definition of NEEDY, lol! My friends that have known me pre-mom life will probably tell you, “ All Devon wants to do is shop, eat, or nap, and if she does agree to go out, it has to be before 6:00 pm.” Can I say they are lying, no, no I cannot, lmao. I remember after having Jalen, my best friend would try so hard to get me to go out to the club or just a late-night dinner and babbbby...now that I'm older, I can tell the truth...Y’all I would agree to go and in my head already have an excuse made up as to why I couldn't go. I remember this one time I decided to go to the club, got dressed, slayed my makeup and was ready to go, made an excuse to go back home for something, and hunttty I didn't come back out, took my ass right to bed and you better believe my phone was on silent( I’m pitiful, I know). I would pray for cancellations; in hindsight, that’s a little fucked up, but y’all, I was tired. I did not want to go anywhere. Ladies, I am not a club person, mainly because a bish has no rhythm, and second I am shy (friends that are reading this shut up, a bish is shy). If I don’t feel comfortable, I am very quiet and observe people and my surroundings but let me get a little cranberry and vodka in me. I may one two-step for ya, Ayyyyy. I know for a fact my best friend could write a book titled “How to cancel on your friends” based on the stunts I used to pull. But that’s a post for a different day, mama.
To be honest, with my firstborn, I still had the energy to do things and wanted to hang out with friends. My second-born, I was still going out on occasion but not so much. My third born, baby I didn't want to do anything within the first year; I can honestly say that was my most challenging pregnancy. Not only did I keep to myself more I also suffered from postpartum. Mamas, I completely lost myself, but here I am, six years later regaining self-confidence, self-worth and doing my best to maintain friendships. But the question is, how do you maintain healthy friendships after becoming a mom? There is no scientific answer or math equation. It’s all about BALANCE! I’ve come to learn over the past decade...I said decade because I’m about to drop wisdom on that ass( did you laugh as hard as I did?) But honestly, mama, it is about balance. I’ve learned throughout the years your loyal friends will always be there for you, you won’t owe them an explanation, you won’t have to explain why you weren’t able to answer a phone call or why you couldn’t get together, THEY UNDERSTAND and baby that is important! To put it bluntly, mama, you are going to make time for who you want in your life, plain and simple!
For mamas that have friends without kids, those are the most challenging friendships to maintain sometimes because they don’t always understand what you are going through as a mom, so sometimes you may feel lack of connection, but believe me, mama, they probably think the same way, so communicate with them, let them know there friendship is still valued. I have a friend that doesn’t have kids, and honestly, I love her to death, and I live vicariously through her; I just think she is fabulous!!! I complain to her about my kids every time we talk, but I have to remind myself there is more to life than my kids, so it's refreshing to talk about other things than my children. The most important thing to remember is before we were moms, we didn’t get it either, so if they don’t understand at first, it’s okay; give them time to adjust. I say this lightly; sometimes you will have friends that just can’t adjust to you becoming a mom and understand that’s okay; it’s okay to outgrow friendships; that’s life! Remember, friendships don’t always have to end on bad terms! I can tell you this as a mom having supportive friends is essential. I use to isolate myself when I was going through it, and I still do at times. When we are stressed out, overwhelmed, overworked, and TIRED are friendships are the first to suffer when in fact, they can be the escape and uplift you need. I can’t stress the importance of having at least one friend you can turn to; I promise it makes all the difference! Mama, I just want you to know we all struggle maintaining friendships after having kids, but with a little work and understanding, you can find balance! I want to say a couple of months back, I started a monthly dinner/lunch or brunch with two of my girlfriends, and let me tell y’all it was needed and such a good time!! So, mama, yes, it’s hard to get out, but if you can schedule just one outing a month with your friends, I promise you won’t regret it! Yes, your kids are a priority but prioritize your friendships too because they are just as important!
So today, mama, I challenge you to schedule a long-overdue outing with a couple of your girlfriends! Let me know in the comments what you planned! As always, peace and blessings!