It’s Tuesday, and what does that mean? Not a got damn thing, lol! But I figured I’d give you something to read while on your bathroom break. Currently, I am in the middle of a move, so I am slightly losing my shit, lol. We are waiting to sign a lease, so my three amazing children have been stuck in a hotel room with me. For the most part, it’s not horrible, but I can’t wait to have my own space again. I am in count down mode; 3 days left until we are officially moved in, and I can register these children for school again! Freedom is knocking at my door! So until freedom comes, I thought, why not share the pre-puberty journey my daughter is taking me on.
First off, all the mamas with teen daughters, I need you to tap in because my little eight-year-old is giving me a run for my money. How did y’all deal? Lana used to be my little princess but is now growing into this little person that tells me no all the time and rolls her eyes before I can finish my sentence. Is this what pre-puberty is like? Because if so, I’m barely surviving. I would say she has my personality, but I'm not ready to admit that. Lana is the true definition of the classic sour patch commercial. But for some odd reason, I am the only one that gets to experience the sour. How many of you couldn't wait to have a daughter? A mini you, your twin, somebody you could dress alike with, have brunch dates, mani/Pedi dates, and so on. I'm telling you I couldn't wait to have a little girl; fortunately for me, I had a son first (in hindsight, he is a QUEEN). When Lana was born, I bought up every dress I could find and an endless supply of headbands!! You couldn't tell me anything. Lana was my little diva, and up until about five years old, she let me pick her outfits and do her hair without a fight. To be honest, she never wore her headbands, and still, to this day, she won’t wear them. I swear she tortures me; she will have me put it on for shits and giggles, and the moment we step outside, it’s mysteriously lost, and believe me when I say I was the one throwing a tantrum (LOL).
My daughter is eight going on sixteen, yes that picture below is my little princess. For starters, she believes she is the best thing since sliced bread. She loves makeup, ROBLOX, pasta, shoes, and cutting up socks to make dresses for her dolls and to note not her socks. She wants to be fabulous but will fight me to the death when it comes to hair day. Every time I do her hair, she tells me it doesn’t have to be perfect better yet; why do I even do it. I told her to keep that same energy when she turns 13 because I quit as her hairstylist. I can’t wait until her first crush, because we all know she will switch it up. Do you remember those days? I remember my first crush, and he is still fine today. Baby that Blue Magic and flat iron, chillleeee, you couldn't tell my greasy ass shit! And now I have the privilege of raising a mini me who I can't tell ish to because according to ALANA she KNOWS IT ALL, and if you didn't say that with two snaps then you doing it wrong. Mama we've all been here before and we most certainly thought we knew it all and could do no wrong. I'm not going to lie and tell you I was an angel growing up because I was trifling! I'm telling you it is a miracle I made it to adult life after the stunts I pulled as a pre-teen. I can laugh now but I know my mother wasn't back then, lol. I've come to realize the hardest thing about raising a daughter is learning not to project your past choices /mistakes onto them. I think as a mother, the biggest fear is our child will make the same mistakes as us. But mama, we have to give ourselves more credit!
When I was growing up, my parents didn’t share any stories, not none that would incriminate them anyway, so the standard was perfection, probably why in my adulthood, I try to perfect everything I do. Holding myself to this standard, can be crippling at times. I think my parents meant well, but not sharing any mistakes they made as kids, teens, or adults made the impact of my choices feel ten times worse as if I wasn't living up to their standard of life. And maybe it was because they believed they could steer me in the right direction and prevent me from making mistakes. But guess what? That didn't work! As a parent, we don’t want our children to have obstacles or make mistakes, but I think we often forget a lot of our mistakes, and obstacles made us who we are today! So as my daughter continues to grow up, I will continue to be open and share the good, the bad, and the ugly because the standard is not perfection. My job isn't to prevent her mistakes because it's impossible, but I hope she can learn from mine. Her choices will always be hers to make, but I want her to know it's okay to make mistakes in life because we all do it. So while this pre-puberty stage has me ready to pull my hair out, I also know it won’t last forever. So to all the mamas going through the pre-puberty/ pre-teen stage with your daughter(s), I want you to know you are not alone! We will get through this and if not there is always 2 shots of Tequila to keep your sanity!
Mama today I challenge you to sit down with your daughter and share a time you made a mistake and learned from it. Maybe she will share with you as well, but make sure when she does, you aren’t passing judgment. As always, peace and blessings.